To be a fully sexual being it’s important to understand the dark and the light side of sex. Sure, fucking random girls in bathrooms is fun but as you get older the novelty wears off. That’s not to say you shouldn’t run down girls off Tinder but it’s also good to know about more powerful options for bonding with a girl you care about and how to tap into bliss states.

In my book how to fuck women properly I cover both sides of the sexual experience and this post is an excerpt from the chapter on spiritual sex. Not only does spiritual sex make you happier than gangster fucking but it’s crucial if you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship. Spiritual sex is the best way to keep the sexual charge in your relationship for as long as possible. Without sex-hacking, your relationship will fall victim to the coolidge effect and you’ll get bored of fucking each other within a few years if not earlier.

These days spiritual sex or deep pairbonding is pretty much the only type of sex I’m interested in because it’s more fulfilling than anything else I’ve tried… and I’ve tried a lot of things. The feeling of ecstatic bliss you can have with a partner you really care about is worth more to me than all the kinky sex in the world. The key is finding a willing and capable partner. I don’t have one right now but in the past I’ve had some pretty amazing experiences with girls I was seeing. With that said even without the right partner I still have more enjoyable sex now than I used to.

Spiritual sex is an incredibly rich area with more techniques than I could post in a lifetime but in this article I just want to give you a simple method that works in the real world. My method doesn’t involve any crazy advanced techniques, I just pulled what works for me from the two major schools of spiritual sex: Tantric sex and Karezza.

Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice based on the principle of transmuting sexual energy into bliss experiences with the endgame of merging with the divine. It’s part of what’s called the left hand path to God. That means doing things that are forbidden in the Hindu religion in a ritualistic way with the hopes of refining your base, coarse energy into light, ecstatic bliss.

Karezza is a technique originally pioneered on a Christian commune in the 1800’s. As opposed to Tantra, it involves almost no movement and denies the orgasm completely. Karezza is based on the idea of being able to wean yourself off orgasms completely by focusing on heart-centered bonding with your partner. It’s no surprise that Karezza came out of Christianity, a religion based primarily on love.

If you’re interested in learning more advanced Tantric sex techniques you can check out any of Mantak Chia’s books and for Karezza practices you can check out reuniting.info.

Before you can get into the practice however you need to get your body into a receptive state with these 5 keys:

Ejaculation is the absolute worst thing you can do for your sexual energy. If you are going to masturbate (like I do), use my Tantric masturbation method. With a bit of effort you can learn to have multiple dry orgasms and recycle this energy through your body and it feels amazing – I’m not making this shit up.

If want to go to go hardcore though, avoid masturbation altogether, even Tantric masturbation. The most powerful spiritual sex I’ve had was when I went no PMO (porn/masturbation/orgasm) for 8 consecutive months a few years ago. Not to mention my focus and positivity was higher than it’s ever been in my life.

Cultivate your sexual energy by eating well, getting enough sleep, waking up early and exercising regularly. I do some type of strength training, cardio and restoration every morning to get the energy and neurotransmitters flowing. Even just 20 minutes of medium intensity cardio every day makes a big difference. Your body is a machine and the better you take care of it the better it runs. Your sexual energy, health and your vitality are one and the same thing.

If you’re more advanced you can start digging into Mantak Chia’s stuff on Chi Gung and energy work. Right now I prefer to get my energy up by doing slow squats, slow pushups, long yoga poses followed by 20 minutes on the elliptical with the last minute being a sprint. I don’t have a ton of experience with Chi Gung but don’t let my limitations be your limitations.

Key number three is using drugs – if they agree with you. For me those drugs are caffeine, phenibut and for SWIM (someone who isn’t me) – weed. They work synergistically and will really affect your sexual energy and heart-centered openness in a positive way. A lot of spiritual people are anti-drug but the reality is drugs raise your neurotransmitter levels and make it easier to feel bliss states.

Spiritual sex is near impossible with a random girl you don’t have strong feelings for. You need to feel deep emotions for her to be able to transmute that energy to a higher plane. It’s also important that she has an interest in this type of sex because if she doesn’t you won’t get the same experience. If she doesn’t have a high level of sensitivity she’s not going to be able to make this work.

I don’t have a partner I have a deep connection with right now so I just do the best with what I have, either way it’s still better than the sex I used to have. In the past, when I had a talented partner that I was into we would have these deep blissful sessions for three or four hours at a time. The keys are her level of sensitivity and openness to the practice and how much you care about her. You can’t fake this stuff, you need someone you care about to generate that heart centered energy.

The way I learned to control my energy is from doing Tantric masturbation for close to the last decade and I recommend you give it a shot. If you want to go no masturbation you’re going to have to learn another way – Chi Gung or Tantric meditation is a good place to start.

The whole key is to experiment, this is an area where you will always be a student because there is so much to study and the work is so subtle. Just keep a student mentality and tune in as much as you can to the subtle sensations in your body and watch what happens.

Before you get into the sex you want to set the mood by turning the lights down low and putting in at least 15 minutes of foreplay, 30 minutes is even better. If there is one complaint women have about men in bed it’s that they rush into sex. The whole key to deep, bonding sex is to take it slow.

To start you want to slowly position yourself inside her in standard missionary. Once you’re inside her, lie completely still moving only enough to keep yourself hard. Kissing, caressing and eye contact are a big part of this practice but genital movement is not. Your focus should be on your spiritual heart (your breastbone) and the subtle blissful sensations around your body.

The method is a combination of Karezza and Tantra because most women don’t have the patience for pure Karezza and I find the Tantric masturbation techniques too difficult to do with a woman – one false move of her hips and I ejaculate. So instead of aiming for multiple full body orgasms I use the Tantric techniques to amplify Karezza by bringing the energy into my heart chakra.

As opposed to my Tantric masturbation guide where I tell you not to bring energy up the front channel, in spiritual sex I want you to try bringing energy up both channels. You want to feel your body buzzing in the front and the back. What I do is combine the back channel energy draw and light movement of tantra with the heart chakra focus and stillness of Karezza.

To find your energy you first need to focus on your pleasure centers. For me I feel most of the sensations in the head of my cock, base of my cock, prostate, tailbone, pelvic floor, kidneys and heart chakra. Once you’re able to find your pleasure centers you want to amplify the energy in those areas. The best way to do that is to allow yourself to melt into the pleasure – oh that feels so good, ooh that feels so warm etc.

With that said you don’t want to amplify the energy in all your pleasure centers. If the energy is in the base of your cock, the head of your cock or your pelvic floor you don’t want to amplify these areas because too much energy will result in you ejaculating. Instead you just want to focus on getting the energy to the prostate, kidneys and heart centers.You only want to amplify the energy once it’s in those three areas.

With your prostate energy you want amplify it and move it up into your kidneys by flicking your prostate lightly or just using your mind to direct the sensations. With your heart centered energy you want to amplify it by focusing on the warmth and pleasure of the energy and your feelings for your partner.  Once you bring it up into the heart it will feel like a deep, warm buzzing energy that usually comes with a powerful warmth in your kidneys as well – it’s an amazing feeling.

If you’re prone to premature ejaculation not ejaculating is going to be tough at first, the key is to go slow. Premature ejaculation is caused by two things: too much energy in the pelvic floor and the head of your cock being too sensitive. Go extra slow for the first 10 minutes just to let your cockhead cool off. You can also root lock your prostate (tighten your sphincter and pc muscles) which will help stop you from ejaculating, just don’t let the pelvic floor energy build up too much or the root lock won’t work.

On the opposite end of the spectrum if you find that you’re losing your erection because you’ve moved up all the energy away from the pelvic floor then you want to tighten and pulsate your pelvic floor muscles to build up the energy again. This is because you need a certain amount of energy in the pelvic floor to maintain an erection. Once your pelvic floor fills up with energy you’ll be back at full erection and ready to move another round of energy up into your heart chakra.

To get the full benefit of this stuff you’ll need at least a month of no PMO (porn/masturbation/ orgasm) or at least no ejaculation to power up your spiritual energy. You’ll also probably need to practice at least five times with a partner before you can start feeling the energy. This is especially true if you’re a novice at energy work. If you’re already experienced, your progress will be much faster.

I promise you, once you prime your body with the five keys and put even as little as a month’s work in you’re going to notice some amazing results. You’ll also find that you stop thinking about ejaculating. Your body gets used to recycling the energy. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll never want to go back to just ejaculating into girls. Not to mention the fact that if you’re in a relationship this is going to take your feelings of love and bonding to the next level.

The end game is an emotional bliss that can last hours. The combination of caffeine, phenibut, no ejaculation and a three hour sex-bonding session is truly an amazing experience. The majority of the peak states I’ve felt in the last few years have been during or after my spiritual sex sessions – it really is amazing stuff and I’m not even anywhere near total mastery.

Give it a shot, if a hardened player like me can open his heart so can you. Plus I’m sure you’ll be able to find some time during the day to practice having sex. 🙂